Shikaku's Wisdom
by xNokiko
Summary: Have you ever wondered what made Shikaku the great Jounin and strategy master he is? Well, small things, that also turned to make him into a great father. Stories behind the wisdom a dad can pass on to his only son. [Rated T just in case of language.]
1. Coward

Well, HELLO, everyone! (welcome to my channel-)

Anyway, here is something that came to my mind. I was wondering how Shikaku learned all he knew about the Shinobi world. Well, actually, it seems pretty obvious, but I think he is the kind of guy, that, just like his son, had to be shaken up quite a bit. So here it is! There will be a second part, maybe a third. At least one will have to do with death, just like when he went to Shikamaru after Asuma's death.

I hope you enjoy! Please review and excuse possible mistakes in english, as it isn't my first language. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I did use Konohamaru's dad as their sensei, even though we don't talk about him in the manga/anime. (hey, he has to have a dad, doesn't he)

I am very sad about what happened to Shikaku. He truly was a character I cherished. So here's to him.

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><p>Well, he had to say, he never thought he would ever had to tell such a horrible sermon to his son.<p>

After all, he was the one in his place about 15 years ago.

Shikaku wasn't the one who just learned his wisdom; actually, everything he ever told Shikamaru, he mostly had heard for himself, growing up. The Nara was smart. Yes, he was wise. But he thought he couldn't lecture someone if he hadn't been in the same situation, which is why the only times Shikamaru got a very strong father figure in front of him was when his dad actually knew what the boy was going through.

When he graduated from a genin to a chuunin, Shikaku was a brat. Literally; a brat. He was arrogant, sufficient, pretentious and thought the world owed him everything. Anyway, when he was sent on a mission to get info on an attack from Iwa, with his two best friends, he couldn't stop but brag about it. Hokage-sama was trusting him with defending the village.

His cockiness got them in trouble. He thought them strong enough to get against the Rock guys. They weren't. Unlike him, Chouza and Inoichi weren't Chuunin yet and had failed the exams. He had been a poor leader, but he had his young age on his side to defend the stupidity.

When they came back to Konoha, both his friends were taken by the mednins and they almost did died. _He_ almost had got his best friends killed. He was in shock, in awe in front of his own mistake, the hugest he had ever done. He had never been so disappointed in himself.

While waiting for news on Chouza and Inoichi conditions, he talked seriously to his ex-sensei, who was just over five years older than him. He was Asuma's big brother, the future heir of the Sarutobi Clan. Guess we just don't change a winning team, right? Sarutobi & InoShikaCho seemed to go well together, at least.

He told him in his most serious voice:

« I don't want to be a Shinobi anymore. I'm just not made for it. I can't be a leader. I fucked up, Sensei. I can't do that again, I have to stop it here. »

The young chuunin got on his feet, put his hands in his pockets, his eyes never darting away from the ground.

« I'm going to see the Hokage, to give my resignation. »

« You haven't thought that through, now, have you, Shikaku? »

He didn't answer before starting to walk to get out of the hospital.

« Missions will still go on, you know. No matter if you quit or not, this will not stop. The Shinobi world won't stop because you decided that you were too much of a coward for it, Shikaku. »

This made the young chuunin stop and turn around, like he had been hit by fire.

« That's right, that's what you are: a coward. You're running away. If Inoichi and Chouza are in that state, yes, that's because of you. But maybe it had been someone else, they would have been dead. Or another, they would have been perfectly safe. You can't run away from that, from guilt, you know. It runs pretty fast, actually, and that's what you're trying to escape. Except if the next time they go on a mission without you as their leader, and die, then, the guilt will just run faster. »

« What the hell are you trying to say?! »

« If you really do care about them and love them as much as you seem to, you need to learn from your mistakes to protect them. To become a greater man and a greater Shinobi, so this won't ever happen again while they will be at your command. So you can let the guilt fade away slowly. »

Sarutobi-sensei didn't even bother looking at his student. Shikaku, however, couldn't help but stare. This guy was crazy, but nonetheless, he was smarter than him. He just outsmarted a Nara, damn it. The boy let his eyes fell again on the floor. Now, he was re-thinking his solution. He stared at the ground like he wanted to punch a hole in it. He was being too emotional, that was very troublesome. As he was starting to get angry at himself for being such a dumbass, a mednin got out of the emergency room, sweating but smiling.

« They are both out of danger! They're gonna be alright! »

It was too much, this time. He clenched his fist, now trembling while still looking at the ground. And suddenly, small raindrops fell from his chin to the concrete floor. He never cried, but he had just almost got his companions killed and got his ass kicked by his sensei. There was enough to cry about, eh.

« Tch. Crybaby. » murmured a voice, for herself, as she watched the chuunin breaking down in the middle of the hallway. Yoshino sighed, and she couldn't help but smile. He was definitely full of surprises.


	2. Let It All Out

**Yes, I do ship Shikaku x Yoshino very much. They are canon and beautiful, goodbye.**

**Hope you enjoy how Shikaku "learned" how to deal with death, and passed it on to his son. If you did, please, leave me a review, I'd love your opinion! Thanks for reading. :)**

**Disclaimer; Don't own any of ****the characters, thanks to Kishimoto Masashi for the wonderful work.**

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><p>The second very nasty thing about life he had to teach his son was about death. Well, more precisely, a close one death. Shikamaru had never ever dealt with such a pain. He had encountered deaths, yes. Sandaime Hokage-sama was an example. However, it never was someone so close, someone he loved, admired and cherished. When Asuma died, Shikaku knew he will have to pick up the pieces.<p>

He learned what he told his son from his wife, actually. Yoshino had been pretty good at dealing with such things as grief, since she lost her dad to the war and later on, her comrades on multiples missions. Very good wasn't actually the words; she was just better at it than him. Which is why he remembers perfectly the three times she helped him go through grief.

The first one was his own father. The Head of the Nara Clan died in a sudden attack from the Hidden Rock. Yoshino and he had been dating for at least three months and he already knew he was going to marry her. He had even planned to introduce her to her family during the next Celebration from the Clan, when his dad would have retreated from war.

Obviously, he hadn't even thought of losing him to the frontlines. Shikaku came out of the Hokage's office, his face darkened, his eyes emptied. She was waiting for his lazy-ass to get out of here, without knowing what happened.

"Hey, moron, what's up with the face?" she asked bluntly.

"Not now, Yoshino."

She didn't say word. She felt it; something wasn't quite right. So, she let him go, with his burden of sadness. She was going to research a little bit about the matter, knowing she wasn't going to get anything from him.

The Nara just went back home. The woods would have been a wonderful idea, if it wasn't for the war raging outside Konoha's walls. Deer were safe in the forest, which was protected by a jutsu his dad created. However, it had been a silent rule to not try to go out there during a crisis like that one. So he sighed and locked up himself in his room. Alone. Lonely. To shut himself away seemed like the simplest thing to do. To read, maybe. Not to think about it or think too much.

Some days after the announcement of his father's death, his name was engraved on the family's tomb. He would have an actual grave, only when times would get better. Konoha didn't have the time nor the money to give funerals to each and every single one ninja that died on the battlefield. He went to leave some flowers there, without much thinking about it really. The flowers were for his mother more than his father, anyway. He went home right away and just as he did for the last few days, closed the door to his bedroom, like a barrier from the outside world.

His best friends had to leave the village for the front lines; he had a week, for grieving and resting. They had come before leaving, to see if he was alright. He didn't answer, retreating himself into silence. He was too young to understand when his mother died. He didn't suffer much. He had however so much respect, admiration, love, for the man his father was. A brave man.

Knock Knock.

He didn't bother to open or answer. Whoever it was will go away, anyways.

« I know you're there, Shikaku. »

Well, maybe not, then. He groaned, clue that she could enter the room. He was laying down on the floor, staring at the ceiling, his hands folded in his neck, one leg on the other's knee. His favorite position for cloud watching. Well, ceiling watching.

« Hi. I came to bring you dinner. »

« Not hungry. »

« Well, that makes the two of us, then. I'll put it in the fridge for later. »

She disappeared in the next room without asking for permission. She knew the place like her own, after all. She was the only one that really came and stayed at his house, anyway. His dad had been gone for at least a month. She had also been on missions but had been severely injured and had to take a break from battles. He, after coming back with her from the frontlines, had stayed along for strategic reasons and was supposed to go back to battle the upcoming week.

« I heard about your dad. I'm sorry. »

He didn't answer, his eyes still glued to the ceiling.

« How long are you going to stay here, looking at the ceiling, like a dumbass? »

« Give me a break. »

« No. »

He didn't look at her at all. It was worse than what she thought it would be. He was probably in denial actually. Or just in the angry stage of grief. She knew that by heart, by now. She had lost her dad earlier in the battles, her comrades about six months ago and when she went back to the front lines, she almost died, while her friends around her were being murdered by the Hidden Rock.

« Listen, you can't do that. That's not like you. »

He chuckled bitterly.

« Since when do you know better than me what is like me or not? »

« Since we met. » she said, raising an eyebrow, like it was perfectly logical.

« Actually, this is very much like me. »

« No. The real Shikaku would get up off his lazy ass and do something. Are you gonna look at the ceiling while people are still dying out there? Are you just gonna let Rock win after all that? Are you _really_ gonna ignore the fact that you could end the war your father died in just by getting _the fuck_ up on your feet and do something useful of your brain and your hands? »

He didn't react at all, still looking up, without letting any emotions get through his face expressions.

« That's exactly what they want. Breaking us, one by one, by killing the ones we love. But we should never forget why they fought for so long. »

« You have no idea what it's like. Your dad wasn't mine, your pain isn't mine. Stop. »

« Of course not, I don't know what you feel. I'm not dumb, thank you very much. But your father is _dead_ and excuse me, darling, but _you have to suck it up_. Now, more than ever. »

This time, he moved. He was getting there, she knew. It would soon be time for her to leave him again with himself. He sat up straight at the word dead, and she didn't stop her last words. He didn't seem too happy about her nagging, right there. She could perfectly see the line that creased between his eyebrows.

« You are a shinobi. Death is something we live with constantly. And you have to get over it as soon as you can, by the method that you want, so that you won't forget you're not only battling for yourself but for the citizens and your friends, dead and alive, too. And that's what you should be doing instead of glaring at your ceiling like it is going to fall on your _stupid_ face. »

Maybe calling him stupid wasn't quite right, but it felt kind of good.

In less than a fraction of seconds, he had come closer to her, their noses almost touching. His face was tensed with all the anger he could possibly produce against her, and she was not even impressed. That's exactly what she was waiting for.

« What _the fuck_ do you want, Yoshino? »

« Let it out. »

He blinked, the crease showing surprise instead of anger. His girlfriend just looked him dead in the eye, a small sad smile raising the ends of her lips. She knew he needed it. Someone to push him through the pain he had to live. Slowly, his eyes came back down, staring at the ground. She knew he didn't want to be seen in that state, so she just slowly put her hand in his neck, giving him one of the few gesture of kindness she thought could be useful to ease him, a bit.

« Let it all out. Your pain, your anger. Your fears, too. It's normal to feel all that. It was your father, Shikaku, you have the right to crack your shell up sometimes. This is one of them. Grief is something you have to endure, you have to live it, it is not going to glide down your back after days of staying in your room. You have to break, so someone can pick the pieces up and help you rebuild. It's how it works. »

His eyes shot closed. She knew he was holding back tears now and that he didn't want her anyway near him while he was crying. It was something too personal for him to share his emotions. Even though he knew he was going to marry her someday, she wasn't allowed yet to see the tears. It would come with time, just like lots of other things. His trust was already mostly there, for example.

« I'll be there to pick up the pieces. »

She kissed him on the forehead, letting her hand fall down from his neck before going out of the room, into the living room, closing the door shut behind her as she heard his first sob. Moments later only, she heard him scream too. Screams, sobs and a lot of breaking could be heard from his room that night, but she stayed here, on the sofa, painfully looking at the door still closed. She couldn't do anything except being there when he would need her to. She couldn't sleep either. He wouldn't do anything stupid, would he?

It's when the early morning light showed up, after she had finally got up the sofa to prepare them some tea that he finally opened his door. He didn't quite look good. She raised her eyes towards his to meet them and a whole new light was shining in the quiet, powerful, dark brown eyes. She smiled softly but he didn't wait to see it before embracing her like never before. He was so thankful to have such a troublesome woman in his life.

« Please, don't go back to war. I'm not sure I can make it through a night like this again. » he quietly said.

« I could say the same about you. Guess we will have to go anyway and protect each other, then. »

He really couldn't wait for the war to be over, so he could just slide a silver band to her ring finger and call her his wife.


End file.
